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Twin Town High (vol. 8) |
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Is this love that I'm feeling?
Wednesday 12 February @ 15:04:55 |
 by KC Jade
I have often times grappled with what I thought love was. That struggle included many people trying to tell me what love should look like, what love feels like, how to know if someone loved me.
What I was taught is that love is born of reason. Love is something that you “fall” into. When you find “The One,” somehow, you’ll know. There is only one person that you are meant to be with. That person is called your soulmate, and you are made whole once you finally find that person. I’ve heard that love is the result of pheromones, the purpose; to keep the species alive. When you love someone you buy them jewelry or wait and hope that they will buy you jewelry. (Some of the companies that advertise on corporate radio seems to LOVE to bring these thoughts into your brain.) If someone asks you to marry them, that means that they love you. You are supposed to “settle down” and get married.
How do you know if you are in love or that someone is in love with you? You could buy a magazine, full of more advertising that tells you what love is and take the quiz. You know that you are in love when you are not attracted to or interested in other people. Some people will tell you, “You just know.” I guess it must be like a lightning bolt that comes down from the sky and hits you square in the head. The heavens part and you hear the voice of god telling you that s/he is “The One.” From that moment on, everything changes.
What I have learned is that no one can tell me what love is. Not only is it beyond definition, it is beyond words, beyond my comprehension and without form. I have learned that love constantly changes, as does everything else. Love is seeing with eyes that have to be trained at the school of pain, graduating from the school of beauty. I have started to learn that when you try to grab it, hold on to it, it changes. Or maybe more accurately, your perspective changes, fear and control surfaces, and you lose that special eyesight.
I believe that love is unknowable, like the source of the universe. It is the answer to almost every question and that is the closest form that it takes. I believe that you may not recognize it, but that it certainly recognizes you. I believe that love is the reflection of yourself that you see. I believe that love can only occur when you are present in the moment and you are honest with yourself about the connections that take place between you and every living thing.
I think what is most important is that it doesn’t matter what love is. It doesn’t matter how you know. It doesn’t even matter if the person that you love loves you in return. What matters to me is that I am open to the possibilities of the universe. What matters is that I dance. What matters is that I don’t tell someone else how to love, how to know or recognize love, especially when I could be propagating what the media has taught all of us about love our whole lives.
What I hope is that I will learn to love the sky, everyday. I hope to remember to be patient, gentle and love myself. I want to keep dancing. What I know is that I don’t really know what it all means but that today I am in the process of learning. I will keep learning. What I know is that love is possible. My evidence is that the sun keeps rising.
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