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Twin Town High (vol. 8) |
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Non-traditional Xmas Movies
Wednesday 20 December @ 21:08:59 |
  “Die Hard”
Sure, “Die Hard” rewrote the book on how to make an action movie, but it also broke the mold when it comes to Christmas movies. Forget treacly feel-good themes and soft-focus morality: concentrate on the crackling one-liners and the terrific performances by Paul Gleason as Deputy Police Chief Dwayne T. Robinson and Alan Rickman as ex-terrorist/exceptional thief Hans Gruber.
 Unbelievably, actors from Arnold Schwarzenegger to Richard Gere (Richard Gere!) were considered for the role of John McClane before it fell to Bruce Willis. It’s much to his credit that it’s virtually impossible to imagine anyone else inhabiting this role so fully or delivering lines like, “Nine million terrorists in the world and I gotta kill one with feet smaller than my sister.” You might argue this isn’t really a Christmas movie, and to that, I say you’re crazy. Aside from taking place on Christmas Eve, the film laces subtle Christmas touches throughout, from the recurring musical motif of Beethoven’s “Ode to Joy,” to John McClane’s creative use of holiday tape at the film’s climax to Gruber’s response to lackey Theo’s request for divine intervention: “Cheer up, Theo. It’s Christmas; it’s the time of miracles.” Be honest, you’ve either seen this movie over a hundred times or never. Either way, keep it in mind for some non-traditional holiday viewing. STEVE McPHERSON
“The Thin Man”
 Dashiell Hammett’s character Nick Charles is a lush. There’s no two ways about it. Were a drinking game to be made out of the Thin Man films—which feature Charles—in which audiences took a shot every time the dapper detective had a cocktail, most participants would be dead of alcohol poisoning long before the end of any single film. Nick Charles’ drinking habit was even deadly for one of the actors who played him—a certain Rat Packer named Peter Lawford, who starred as Nick Charles in a television adaptation of the series, and who died of liver and kidney disease brought about by years of alcoholism. That being said, Nick Charles, as played by the supremely elegant William Powell in the first film adaptation in 1931, is a lovely drunk. He’s quick-witted and funny, and only ever seems to be intoxicated after a particularly long Christmas party—and even then is able to capably defend himself and his wife against an intruder with a gun. Nick Charles is a former detective who married well, to the lovely, dizzy Nora, played by Myrna Loy, and just wants to spend the holiday carousing in New York, exchanging witticisms and goofy gifts with his wife (including an air gun that Charles uses to shoot ornaments off a tree). Instead, events conspire against him, and he is dragged into solving the murder of an old friend. One of the great pleasures of watching “The Thin Man” is that the murder mystery, while capably plotted, is entirely beside the point. There is great fun to be had in watching the besotted Nick Charles matching wits against a rogue’s gallery of goons and golddiggers, most of whom are sorely out of their league against him, but after watching the film, you might find that you’ve forgotten who did it. I’ve seen the film at least a dozen times, and I still can’t remember, which means every time Charles unravels the mystery at the film’s end, it’s news to me. Maybe it would help if I didn’t drink during the movie. MAX SPARBER
“The Pee-Wee Herman Christmas Special”
 In 1988, in the middle of a screenwriters strike, Pee-Wee Herman co-creators Paul Reubens (who played the bowtied manchild) and John Paragon (who played the genie Jambie) sat down to write a special holiday episode of their popular children’s show. They intended to create something along the lines of a Bob Hope or Dean Martin special, consisting of dozens of special guests singing seasonal musical numbers. But, because both Reubens’ and Paragon’s tastes tended toward cult pop figures, and because the character of Pee-Wee Herman was such a strange hybrid, having come out of Los Angeles’ midnight comedy circuit to become a Saturday morning fixture, the resulting special turned into a campy spectacle. Pee-Wee’s guest list would have done John Waters proud. In his gray suit and buzz cut, Pee Wee marches around the playhouse, and he can’t turn a corner without receiving a phone call from Dinah Shore, finding Zsa Zsa Gabor at his back door or Cher in his living room or running into an ice-skating Little Richard. Pee-Wee Herman has both Annette Funicello and Frankie Avalon on hand, and has put both to work making his Christmas card—he abuses them heartlessly, barking out orders, at one point handing them bread and a tin cup of water. The musical numbers are astounding, featuring Charo, k.d. lang (then at the start of her career) and a trio of elderly triplets in beehive hairdos and miniskirts. It’s less a Christmas special than a red and green hallucination. Oddest moment: Pee-Wee ducks into something called “Magic Screen,” which draws cartoon environments for him to play in. Inside, he finds himself face to kneecap with Magic Johnson. “What are you doing here?” Pee-Wee asks, to which Johnson replies: “Magic Screen and I are cousins.” SPARBER
“A Midnight Clear”
 Director Keith Gordon’s 1992 adaption of William Wharton’s book might be the most relentlessly downbeat Christmas movie ever made. Set amidst the burnt out ruins of the French countryside during the waning days of World War II, it tells of a German platoon’s tragic attempt to surrender to a group of American soldiers. Both sides are woefully unprepared for their encounter—Germany has been so devastated by Hitler’s war that the platoon consists of conscripted old men and little boys, and the Americans are an Intelligence Squad that has never seen any action. The mood of the film is somber, pessimistic and almost unspeakably sad. The Germans make little, halting, peaceful gestures toward the Americans—they sing them carols from afar and pelt them with snowballs. But the Americans, ill-trained and inexperienced, are going mad from their mission, and despite the efforts of their two most humane members, played by Gary Sinise and Ethan Hawke, the American soldiers simply can’t shake their suspicions. Grim though it may be, Gordon’s film has enormous empathy for its characters, and though the film may be a depressing choice for Christmas viewing, now that we find ourselves again in a war where unfounded suspicions quickly turn deadly, “A Midnight Clear” is worth revisiting. SPARBER
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