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Twin Town High (vol. 8) |
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50 Snipppets of Conversation Overheard @ Local Bars
Wednesday 29 October @ 11:53:19 |
 by Tom Hallett
So we been playin’ it pretty fookin’ safe here over the past few weeks—mebbe I’m gittin’ soft ‘er else mah head is cavin’ in from the force of the amps an’ the cheap rice beer... But GODDAMMIT! We’re gonna tear it up this time! Yes, folks, I’ve spent the past few (decades, shhh!) months loitering and lingering amongst the best and worst of you, sippin’ shitty beer around town in dives that sailors wouldn’t be caught dead in, listening to great acts and crappy alike, disguised as the last guy you’d ever think would be Tom Hallett.
QUOTE OF THE WEEK: “I almost got my teeth fixed. I always told myself that when I was done, when I hung up my rock n’ roll shoes, I would get my teeth fixed so I’d look like a regular human being. I was almost to the point...and something wouldn’t let me. I’ve got to keep my rock n’ roll teeth until they fall out of my head. I need ‘em. I can’t gloss ‘em over.”
—Paul Westerberg
SONG OF THE WEEK: “Search and Destroy”
—The Stooges
And here’s what I’ve been hearin’—lotsa music talk (you gotta know I’m not hangin’ out at Champs, right?), personal hoo-ha, and local-centric gibberish.
Sure, most of it is juvenile barroom bullshit, but whattaya expect to hear at a bar in a college town? Witty bon mots? Intellectual ruminations? Readings from Poor Richard’s Almanac? Sheesh. I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I heard plenty of intelligent conversation over the summer, it’s just that none of it was very interesting. Real life is far more compelling, at least to me. Besides, who knows, maybe you’ll recognize yourself or someone you know in one or more of these pithy comments....
50 SNIPPETS OF CONVERSATION OVERHEARD AT LOCAL BARS AND PARTIES OVER THE PAST THREE MONTHS:
1) “No, dude. I NEVER liked Ryan Adams. You must be high.”
2) “It’s STILL a pretty good record.”
3) “Hey- I think he/she’s lookin’ atchoo...”
4) (TIE:) “So who’s playin’ tonight?”/”So what time’s the band supposed to start?”
5) “So you know Rob Rule, huh? Do you think we can get a show here?”
6) “Who’s the dork in the red pants, anyway?”
7) “She/he is SUCH a slut!”
8) “He’s gay.”
9) “Yeah, I used to live here. It’s really changed.”
10) “Yeah, I used to live here. This place never changes.”
11) “So who’s got the stink?”
12) “They ARE way better live!”
13) “I ONLY listen to Radio K.”
14) “Baa-aaa-aaa!!!”
15) “Who the fuck is tending bar here, anyway?”
16) “I heard they broke up.”
17) “I heard they’re gettin’ back together.”
18) “She/he is SO hot!”
19) “PLEASE tell me they didn’t already call last call...”
20) “Hey, isn’t this place supposed to be open ‘til TWO now?”
21) “Oh yeah—they lost again.”
22) “He is SUCH a great drummer!”
23) “AHHHHGGGHHH!!!”
24) “Yeah, I guess Paul Westerberg is supposed to show up tonight.”
25) “I hate this band.”
26) “That isn’t him...is it? I never knew he was bald.”
27) “Aw - make it two.”
28) “So how long has this place been open, anyway?”
29) “It’s pretty sad, man. He still thinks the kid is his.”
30) “Yeah, I guess they’re moving to L.A./New York/Boston/etc.”
31) “Well, I told Phil if I ever caught him doin’ it again, I’d break all his fingers. Can you believe that guy?”
32) “Do you have any filberts?”
33) “Oh my god! Would you look at that hair?!”
34) “I thought the paper said no cover tonight.”
35) “Who died and made you God?”
36) “She just needs a real man, that’s all.”
37) “He just needs a real woman, that’s all.”
38) “Oh...I had that one, but I hadda sell it to Cheapo’s.”
39) “Yeah, I’m back at the coffee shop. I figure it’s better than not eating, y’know?”
40) “I’m looking for a sack for my mom.”
41) “Nope. Guess I missed that whole Semisonic thing.”
42) “Do you think they’ll deliver to a bar?”
43) “Who’s got a smoke?”
44) “I think Al Franken should run.”
45) “So, didja hear about Rush Limbaugh? What an idiot!”
46) “So they’re a husband and wife team. Or else they’re brother and sister. Either way, you’re outta luck.”
47) “This place used to be cool.”
48) “I’ll swing by there then meet you guys at the house. Don’t drink my beer!”
49) “I woulda gone, but they were at the Quest/400 Bar/State/Orpheum. I hate that place.”
50) “FREEEE-BIIIRRRRDDD!!”
There ya go, kiddies. That’s it for me this week. Until next time — make yer own damn news.
If you have local music news/gigs/events that you’d like to see listed in this column, or you’d just like to spout off ‘bout the fact that ya ALWAYS liked Ryan Adams an’ yer not ashamed of it, send replies to: TMygunn777@aol.com.
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