Paranoid Hippies Freak Out Over Draft Rumors
Wednesday 19 November @ 13:35:32
Several weeks ago the United States Department of Defense posted information on their Web site about staffing of the draft board around the country. If you are not aware, the Draft Boards are the regional bodies charged with preparing for and (if reenacted) administering the military draft in our country. The posting on the Department of Defense’s Web site announced openings to be filled (staffed) on the various draft boards around the country.
Many people immediately freaked out about this information being posted on the government Web site. There were immediately postings on various Independent Media Center’s (Indy Media) self-publishing news Web sites around the country. Many of these postings reported that the draft boards around the country were being staffed for the first time since dismantling them after the Vietnam War. The rumors spread and stories snowballed until I heard numerous people in local coffee houses and bars talking about the steps the Department of Defense was taking to prepare for a reenactment of the military draft. I heard many times that the explanation was a shortage of troops to send to the occupied Iraqi region.
You gotta love those paranoid left-wing radicals and hippies. Not only did they not get their facts straight before freaking about this, but they have yet to show any evidence of why our wonderful government would ever try to reenact the military draft.
As we all know, we have decisively won our victory in Iraq and our troops will soon be coming home. I see no reason to believe that there are any significant pockets of resistance against our military occupation in Iraq, or to any American backed government we may leave to rule Iraq. The fact that there have been more casualties since we attacked Iraq than there were during the first several years of the Vietnam war is obviously insignificant and probably even faked by un-American radicals who are doctoring the number of casualties by demanding that we count the deaths of soldiers who were quickly helicoptered out of Iraq before dying from their injuries (the US Military does not recognize these as official casualties of war)—heck these terrorist-supporting liberals wackos are even saying that we should count Iraqi civilians we’ve killed as casualties of this war. We all know that Saddam whatshisname would’ve killed many more of his own people with his weapons of mass destruction (which we all know he has), if we would’ve left him in power.
I recently contacted the department of defense and spoke to a public relations representative. When I asked about the draft-reenactment scare he set me straight: “It is completely false that we are staffing any more positions on the draft boards than have been kept staffed ever since the dismantling of the actual draft after the Vietnam war. These positions we have posted openings for are simply turnover positions we must fill to replace those who are stepping down. These staffings will simply maintain the skeletal draft board structure, which we have been required to maintain ever since the draft was revoked.” He went on to explain further, “The confusion arose with the fact that we posted the staffing positions which we are filling due to turnover in a much higher profile location than usual, on the Department of Defense Web site. We also neglected to explain that these are not previously vacant positions that we are filling and that we are in no way preparing with staff to push for or facilitate a reenactment of the military draft.”
Several left-wing radical anti-military organizations confirmed the Department of Defense’s statement, but only on the condition that the Department of Defense was being truthful for once.
I think there is a definite lesson that all you paranoid hippies and crazy left-wing terrorist-supporting radicals can learn from this: stop questioning our wonderful government! We all know that George W. Bush was chosen by God himself to run our country (which I believe is proven by the fact that it took a heavenly miracle to correct the voting public’s error and appoint Bush instead of the actual vote-winner)—which means that George W. Bush is obviously incapable of lying. We also all know that the Bush administration has given us more than enough reasons to justify the necessity of attacking Iraq (and I’m sure sooner or later the weapons of mass destruction will be uncovered and our God-appointed leader will be vindicated). It is very clear to anyone without drugs in their system (pot-smoking hippies) that we have defeated the Iraqi regime and our troops will come home soon as a real government (backed by US corporations) is instated to bring decades of harmony and peace to the Iraqi people.
So quit whining you anti-American weirdo’s and stop questioning the actions or motives of our wonderful Christian government.